Grandma Said What?!! Outdated Advice and How to Handle It

The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is precious.

However it’s expressed, it offers children a sense of safety, a link to cultural heritage and family history, and an extra dose of companionship and fun. Grandparents can also be a steadying source of support—whether that’s stepping in as babysitters or being a shoulder for parents during stressful times.

In fact, research shows just how powerful these connections can be. One study (Silverstein and Ruiz, 2006) found that the stronger the attachment between a grandchild and a grandparent, the less likely a child of a depressed mother is to experience depression later in life.

But as every new parent quickly discovers, family harmony doesn’t always come easily. Differences in parenting styles, clashing personalities, or outdated advice can cause friction—especially with in-laws. Jokes about meddling mothers-in-law may get a laugh, but the reality of feeling judged or undermined can be stressful and deeply personal.

When Grandma’s Advice is Outdated

Most grandparents genuinely want to help. They share advice to feel useful, stay connected, or pass on what worked for them. And let’s face it—they did a pretty good job raising us! But some of yesterday’s “wisdom” is no longer safe or relevant today. Here are some common examples:

Sleeping on the Tummy

Once upon a time, babies were put to bed on their tummies, heads up the cot, and tucked under quilts. The logic? To prevent choking if they vomited.
Now, we know back-sleeping is safest. Research into SIDS shows tummy-sleeping increases risk, especially for babies with developmental vulnerabilities in brain and breathing regulation. Current guidelines recommend:

• Baby on their back, not side or tummy.
• “Feet to foot” positioning in the cot.
• No quilts, doonas, or hats while sleeping.
• Smoke-free environments before and after birth.

Strict Feeding Routines

Grandma may have been told to feed her baby every four hours on the clock. Some recall sitting outside the nursery door, listening to their hungry baby cry until the clock said “okay.” No wonder so many believed they “didn’t have enough milk.”
Today, we know breastfeeding works on supply and demand. Feeding to cues, not the clock, helps sustain milk supply and keeps babies thriving.

Ditching Night Feeds Early

Many grandmothers were told to drop the 2am feed by six weeks, sometimes replacing it with boiled water. Now we understand babies may need night feeds well into their first year—for growth, comfort, immunity, and brain development. Night milk is also rich in hormones that support bonding, brain health, and future emotional wellbeing.

Boiled Water Bottles

Offering bottles of cooled boiled water on hot days was once common advice. But for babies under six months, water can dilute sodium levels, leading to dangerous “water intoxication.” Today’s rule: breast milk or formula only, unless medically advised otherwise.

Car Seat Safety

In the 60s and 70s, “car safety” often meant a Moses basket on the back seat, sometimes with a net over the top. Times have changed. If grandparents will be driving your baby, show them how to correctly use an approved car seat or arrange for one to be fitted in their car.

Communicating With Grandparents

Just as you’re finding your feet as a new parent, grandparents are also learning their role. Their advice may come from love, not criticism—even if it feels undermining.

A few tips to keep the peace:

• See their perspective: They raised children with the information available at the time.
• Prioritise safety: Say no where risks are involved, but aim for respect.
• Find common ground: Ask Grandma to help with neutral, fun activities (feeding ducks, bathtime) so she feels included.
• Stay calm: Respond with phrases like, “This works well for us,” or “I’ll keep that in mind,” and move on.

 The Bigger Picture

This isn’t about who’s “right.” It’s about building strong, positive bonds between your child and their grandparents while protecting your parenting choices. Remember, grandparents can enrich your child’s world in ways no one else can. By blending yesterday’s wisdom with today’s knowledge, you can foster harmony—and make space for the love and connection that really matter.