New Mum Advice, How Do You Filter it (Or Ditch it!)
As soon as your baby bump begins to show you will be bombarded with advice. Some of it is helpful, some is out of date because newer research has shown some of the old ways may not be safe and some advice is just bat shit crazy.
Whatever advice you hear, it’s probably well-meant but it can play havoc in your mind, ‘could there be something in this?’ even if you can’t imagine following it with your precious baby.
One simple way to filter advice is to check in, ‘is it safe? Is it respectful? Does if feel right?’
And, if you are given advice that doesn’t feel right for you, imagine you are standing next to an open window – let the advice ‘float’ past you out the window. Let the wind outside blow it away. Then smile at the person giving advice and say, ‘thankyou, I’ll remember that.’ Unless you feel strong enough to share your own perspective, it’s not worth wasting your energy trying to convince somebody you may never see again (yes, random strangers will offer advice too) that they are talking rubbish.
Often the best advice can come from other mums of little ones – things are fresh for them, they are on a similar learning curve even though their priorities may be different from your own. We asked the mums on our Boobie Bikkies Facebook Page to share what they would tell their new mum selves.
We have some gems but of course, if you are in doubt about any of this advice, please filter it by checking, ‘is it safe? Is it respectful? Does it feel right? And just take the advice that makes sense for you and your baby.
Real mums say:
Stop worrying about what everyone thinks and do what works for you (Cassie).
Get some professional breastfeeding support (Amy.
Day three blues f***ing suck and go for longer than a day and you’re not going crazy it’s just hormones and it will phase out eventually! (Hayley)
(Note: it can be helpful to call a support line such as PANDA for reassurance and see your health carer if anxiety or depression and mood swings continue)
Don't feel the need to let too many people visit in the first week. This mistake wreaked havoc with my milk supply. (Natalie)
Listen to your inner self and not what everyone else is telling you. You know within your self what is best (Linda)
Don’t compare your babies progress/growth to any other baby; Take as many photos and videos as possible; Have a coffee and slow your thoughts when the baby sleeps; Get off google (Helen)
If your baby will only nap on you and you feel like you are going crazy because you have no time for yourself or no time to get chores done, just know that there will come a time when the only thing you want is to have one more nap with them lying on your chest while you listen to them breathe- time goes way too fast. You will never get these moments back....and smell the top of their head more. It’s the best smell in the world. (Steph)
It’s ok if your pre pregnancy clothes don’t fit you just yet, go shopping and don’t be so hard on your body!(Celine)
“My son’s dad was so great with this. Two weeks after we had baby, we went shopping for all new clothes for me. He kept saying things like “wow you have no idea how much more beautiful you are now”. It was a really great thing we did together.”(Katee)
"My baby loves me regardless of my mistakes " (Sherie)
Take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed. It's ok to put her down and let her cry to give yourself a breather (Samantha)
Buy the 400 stick vac, relax, don't buy all the expensive baby crap! (Jasmin)
Stand your ground when you don't want visitors in hospital or at home if having a bad day.(Tiff)
Get professional support, take your time, enjoy the moment, you are doing your best. (Shara) When they tell you it goes so quickly, don’t roll your eyes in your mind because it’s so true.(Stulie)
Stop overthinking and tune a lot of the outsider’s advice out. (Sarah) ·
If you expect not to sleep you won’t feel so bad when you don’t get it. (Jenny) Relax a little more, stop listening to other people and trust your own intuition. (Sammy)
"You are a great mother and you are doing your best!" (Laura)
Try harder with breastfeeding (Sarah)
Don’t take on everybody’s opinions . Just do you (Maive)
Stop all you can and absorb all the milestones with your baby!(Monique)
Go with flow of it all and to do what works for your baby. (Meg)
Take care of yourself, it’s ok to, and don’t blink because you don’t want to miss a thing . (Ineke)
Everything thing will be OK (Codina)
Don’t stress when your baby doesn’t sleep 7-7 . Read ‘Sleeping Like a Baby’ before your baby arrives! (Jade)
SLEEP- the dishes and laundry can wait (Teri-ann)
You don’t have to be perfect. It’s ok not to love this.(Emily)
Be kind to yourself, bonding doesn't happen as fast as you might think.. Be patient with bubs and yourself, you are both still figuring out life.(Bronwyn)
Pick your ‘mum friends’ carefully (Amber)
Nipple to nose ; Take your time; You don't have to listen to everyone's advice. Sleep sleep sleep ; Take time out during the day for yourself, even just 1 hr go shower, go for a walk. Eat and drink plenty. (Laura)
Go with the flow and don't blame yourself for things you can't control.(Shelley)
See a Lactation Consultant; Don’t buy so many clothes Hug that baby!! Don’t obsess over schedules thinking ok why aren't they sleeping? They can’t be hungry already? Just keep getting up to her. Keep comforting her. She will learn independence by knowing that you are always there when she needs. Don’t stand on the other side of the door crying into your hands coz she is still awake and screaming.(Samantha)
Pre cook meals before baby is born and freeze them. Stop letting other people’s ‘advice’ stress you out. It’s okay that nothing goes to plan, stay calm. Everything will be okay. (Katee)
You will sleep again, don’t worry (Chantel)Don’t panic so much over the small things, it will all work out (Samantha)Always go with your intuition...(Brooke)Each phase passes. Hang in there! (Paris)Everything will be just fine (Lisa)
Appreciate every second of everyday (Jenelle)
Get some sleep. stop pushing yourself too hard.(Nardi)
“Be gentle on yourself. Meal prep before baby is due. Cuddle while you can. Messy House, Don't worry it’ll be clean again one day. Its ok to cry,it’s ok to scream in a pillow. Just don't forget you created a beautiful human and that makes you awesome. Don't worry about your Body, you'll lose the baby weight eventually. Don't take every advice seriously, every Mum and baby is different. Do what’s right for you two. Love your partner, don't let having a baby come between you two. A baby needs a united family more than anything.” (Amy)
The majority of things they tell you are essential... are not essential. Save your money instead. (Jaimi Lee) Sit. Rest. Drink water. Take naps. (Angela)
Breath let the small stuff go (Amber)
It gets easier (Amy)