Mum question:I have spent the first few months of my daughter’s life feeding her to sleep and it works well but now I’m worried I’ll be doing forever! I am starting back at work in a couple of months so I would like to start gradually changing this habit so that she will be able to sleep when I am not there. Can you suggest how I approach this
Pinky says: Firstly, it is very sensible that you are thinking ahead and wanting to make changes gradually with love, not suddenly by implementing sleep training that involves tears (for both of you).
Advice that letting your baby fall asleep on the breast will create ‘bad habits’ or that she will never learn to ‘self settle’ is simply untrue: it is the most natural thing in the world for a relaxed baby and mother to snuggle and doze together as they breastfeed.
How breastfeeding helps your baby sleep
Breastmilk contains a range of hormones, including prolactin (your milk production hormone), oxytocin (which releases breastmilk) and cholecystokinen (CCK – this has an effect on satiety). These hormones are released in both mother and baby during breastfeeding and have a sedating effect on both of you.
Breastmilk has also been shown to supply a type of endocannabinoid – the natural neurotransmitters that marijuana stimulates. So, when your baby falls off your breast all drowsy and relaxed, looking as though he is ‘milk drunk’ you could say he is actually ‘milk stoned’!
Research suggests that your ‘night-time’ milk may be even more effective at helping your baby sleep: melatonin, a sleep-inducing hormone is barely detectable in breastmilk during the day, but peaks during the night and studies by Spanish researchers show that components in mothers’ milk can vary significantly over a 24 hour period. These researchers studied samples of breastmilk taken from healthy mothers at different times of the day and found concentrations of sleep-inducing nucleotides (proteins known to have a role in exciting and relaxing the nervous system), were stronger after dark than during the day.
The lead researcher of this study, Dr Christina Sanchez, advises that breast milk should be fed fresh or if you are expressing, it is best to take note of the time you express milk then feed it to your baby at the same time of day. She says, “you wouldn’t give a coffee at night, and the same is true of breast milk. It has day specific ingredients that stimulate activity in the infant, and other night-time components that help the baby rest.
As long as your baby has some other sleep cues besides breastfeeding, when you return to work, your baby sitter will be able to help her sleep because the carer won’t smell like breastmilk. This means you can still use breastfeeding to help your baby relax and get to sleep when you are with her and need this magic tool, especially during the night when everyone needs to get back to sleep as easily as possible.
'Baby steps' to making changes
To ‘wean’ your baby off needing to be rocked or fed to sleep, you can use a ‘baby steps’ approach. Firstly, work out a realistic goal, then ‘reverse engineer’ that so you start changing one ‘baby step’ at a time, working towards your ‘goal’.
For instance, start by introducing a more easily discarded cue as you feed your baby to sleep, such as gentle music (it's available on itunes) or a ‘sleepy song’. Simply swapping one cue for another will be confusing and your baby won’t know what to expect so the idea is to ‘overlay’ the new cue (the music). Play the music on a low volume without making any other changes to your bedtime routine for at least a week.
Regardless of promises on CD labels, it will take your baby 7 to 10 days to ‘condition’ him to any music, and you want a positive association with this new routine. Going too quickly can be stressful to your baby, especially when you have worked so hard to make sleep time a calm and positive experience.
After a week or longer, keep playing the music, but remove your baby from the breast before he falls asleep, just holding him until he dozes off. If he is upset, pop him back on the breast or rock a little until he settles, then try again.
Tip: as you remove your baby from the breast, press your fingers under his chin and gently hold his mouth closed – he will suck on his tongue a moment and relax, instead of grasping for the breast again.
Once your baby is happily falling asleep in your arms without being fed /rocked to sleep, the next step is to breastfeed him and hold him as he settles, then pop him in his cot when he is either relaxed and drowsy or asleep. Keep your hand on him firmly (patting is usually too stimulating) and gently rock your baby a little if he stirs as you lower him.
Looking for gentle, respectful ways to help your baby (and you) sleep without compromising breastfeeding or the beautiful bond between you and your little one? See Pinky McKay's best book Sleeping Like a Baby (it’s available on Audible too, if you don’t have time to read)
Later, if you like (no pressure if you and your little one are enjoying bedtime snuggles), you can try moving the bedtime breastfeed back a little and pop him into the cot with his music playing. If he gets upset, always move back a step until he is ready to move forward.
This gentle approach can be used whenever you want to make changes, whatever these are – whether you want to ease off rocking or feeding your baby to sleep or if you have used a dummy and want to discard this. Remember the mantra, ‘gradually with love’ and plan backwards from your goal, then work out baby steps and implement these, one at a time.
